Where has the time gone?

It seems like yesterday I got back to Jerusalem from Winter Break in Toronto. I opened my blog, created 4 posts with titles so that I would not forget what I wanted to write about, and then closed my computer and went back to fighting jetlag.

Now it's been almost 2 months since then and this will be the first blog I've posted since December. I guess that's just life. Blogging is serving as a great way to share my happenings with friends and family, record memories for the future, and serves as a great outlet for voicing opinions and thoughts. However, it is more important that I live - so that there's something to write about - then it is that I write. So I am not going to apologize to myself or you, the reader, for my long absences.

The first bit of this semester has been very busy and lacking in routine. I'm beginning to realize that the routine I've been waiting for this semester might not actually be coming. Within 2 weeks of returning to class, we had a week long colloquium on the topic of Jewish Peoplehood. It was a break in our routine and the first indication that our Year In Israel would be ending soon and we would be returning to North America. During that week we met with key faculty reps from the US campuses and had meetings to discuss next year. Discussing the future is the best way to make it sink in that it does exist and will happen.

Immediately following the colloquium, my parents arrived in Israel for a 17 day journey through the aretz. I will tell you more about this in another post, but simply it was wonderful to have them here and it only contributed to the lack of regular routine started the week before.

Now it's been a week and a half of trying to get back into a routine, but even that was not uneventful and it has ended with a 3 day break for Purim. Looking forward, we have a tiyul (trip) next week, then we have 3 weeks of class. Then a week and a bit break for Pesach, then Yom Ha'Shoah, Yom Ha'Zikaron, and Yom Ha'Atzmaut and Jessie & Aviv's wedding, within the 2 weeks following our return to class. Then the following week is our last week of class. We have a reading week, then an exam week, and then I go home. So how do I find routine in a schedule that is constantly being interrupted?

I'm going to stop searching for it. I bring order to the things that need it and leave the rest to fate. This semester, I've acknowledged that not scheduling time to talk with my friends overseas was equating to not talking. I have created routine in regularly scheduled skype calls. Likewise, not scheduling a time to write has resulted in not blogging. I decided back in December that I was going to have a blog day, now I'm going to put that in to action. It may not be the same day each week, but I am going to schedule a time to write once a week in order to give myself the time and opportunity to reflect.

The next few weeks are going to go fast, be jam packed, and probably a little scary as they all lead to a lot of change. Who's excited? Me!

My motto for the rest of my time in Israel is to take the path less travelled. I am making deliberate decisions to go where the most authentic experiences will be and always choosing to meet new people when a choice exists. It's working pretty well. Look forward to my post on Purim to learn more about what I mean.

The Most Useful Word I've Learned So Far

מתוסכל (metuskal) is probably one of the most useful vocabulary words I have learned since I arrived here. It means frustration. Frustrating is a great way to describe elements of the past few months. However, I don't simply mean this in the negative way that frustration is often associated. I've learned that frustration can also be a positive description. It can describe a challenge or the emotion experienced before accomplishing a goal.

Not being able to keep up to date with this blog has been frustrating. However, I have decided there is no use in backing up, I will simply keep moving forward and tell back story when necessary. Adjusting to life in Jerusalem with 2 roommates I did not know before coming here has been frustrating. Negotiating my expectations of myself, this year, and this program has been frustrating. However, it's been a practice in setting realistic expectations, learning about questions that should and need to be asked, and being flexible to your environment without giving up on things that matter. Balancing class and life has been frustrating. Although, I know that this is just part of the adjustment - I hope. Midterms were frustrating because, well they're midterms, and because it felt like there weren't enough hours in the week to stay on top of everything. Exams do not feel as frustrating, because I've learned to breathe and plan ahead.

Yesterday, I complained that yoga was frustrating - I've hit a wall and no matter how much I want to keep going the pain and plateau make me feel like I can't. I know that just by refusing to give up, by continuing to go to classes, by doing the motions despite the pain, I am breaking through that wall - slowly but surely. The important part is acknowledging the frustration but working past it. I have my reasons for doing yoga - it makes me feel good and I know it's good for me - o all I have to do is keep reminding myself of this fact and channeling my strength into breaking through that wall - because I can.

Today, I encountered two more examples of frustration. Not new examples - I've been discussing these frustration for a while - but I spoke the words "Ani metuskelet" - I am frustrated - twice. First in Hebrew, where I feel like I can't remember the many ways to conjugate verbs. I feel like I keep reviewing and practicing and it's not sticking and then the ones I know and am sure of get jumbled with the ones I'm not sure of and I get mixed up. However, I do know these binyanim better than I give myself credit for and I need to have more confidence in my knowledge. Second, I excused a slightly emotional moment in my Biblical Grammar class with this comment. Bibilical Grammar and Bible class are the best examples I have for frustration in a positive sense. These classes are very frustrating because there are so many parts to remember and so many parts still to be learned, however both classes are fascinating and I look forward to the days when I have them. I enjoy them so much, that I even enjoy my frustration over knowing an answer and not being able to explain it properly or knowing the meaning of a sentence and not being able to translate it word for word. These classes are not allowing me to simply know the answer, they are challenging and requiring me to know how to explain the answer.

We are almost at the midway mark of December. In a week and a half I will begin exams. In two and a half weeks I will be finished my first semester of my Masters', half way through my Year-In-Israel, and headed to Toronto for a much needed break. I am positive that these weeks will hold a lot more frustration. I am also sure they hold a lot of accomplishment, relief, laughter, and fun. Hopefully I won't be too exhausted when this is done.

Taking a few steps backwards for a moment - I won't write about the past - but here are some of the highlights not blogged about:
Tiyul to the south to Kibbutz Yahel,  the eco-village at Kibbutz Lotan, the solar field at Kibbutz Ketura, Timan Park, Yotvata, and the beach in Eilat. We were joined by Rabbinical students from JTS and Ziegler. Included a dinner under the stars in the desert.
Coming in 2nd with Noah and Manda at Pub Trivia.
Training for B'Yachad - my Trumah project.
Successfully presenting on Supplementary Education to my Ed Seminar.
Visiting Jessie and Aviv in Haifa.

Throughout this month I am posting quotes from musicals that resonate with me on my tumblr. If you want, play along by responding with a quote from the same musical. This is a form of counting down to my birthday, although I am not successfully posting every day on there either.

A Blog About Not Being Able to Write a Blog

For the past 3 weeks I have been accumulating topics that I want to write about, making notes of stories I want to share, and keeping track of thoughts that I've had. However, I have not been able to write any of them down. I am a bit back logged with school work and every moment where I could potentially write is a either a moment where I should be doing work OR a moment where I choose to read/watch a show and give myself a rest. Thus my blog gets neglected. I realize that it might be a bit of a let down to those of you that enjoy my writing to be left waiting for so long, but trust that I'm sad about it too - after all this is my log and if I don't write then I don't share or record the things that I've deemed worthy.

I am almost out of the back log, but exams are just around the corner. We also have a tiyul to the south this coming week. So I promise to write some posts soon...but most likely not for another week.

Here's hoping December is a better month for blogging and that all of you, my readers, are doing well!

Greece is the Word

Over Sukkot, we had a week and a half break from school. I took advantage of the free time and booked a cruise around the Greek Islands. My friends Daniel (fellow Ed student), Jeremy (Rebbinic student), and Sarah (Post-Doc Fellow at Hebrew U/Jeremy's wife) headed out to Athens by way of Larnaca in Cypress and took a 3 night/4 day cruise that went to Mykonos, Ephesus, Patmos, Heraklion, and Santorini. Jeremy and Sarah have packaged the experience into a multi-post blog and included links to the flickr site with all their (and some of my) pictures. So since they do such an amazing job of these things, I will simply share their blog with you.

Greece is the word - The Video

Greece is the Word - Day 1

Greece is the Word - Day 2

Greece is the Word - Day 3

Greece is the Word - Day 4

Greece is the Word - Day 5

Something that Jeremy and Sarah do not talk about is the excursion to Ephesus. They visited Turkey in August, so they sat that one out. Daniel and I woke up at 6:15am and headed off the ship at 7am for a brief tour of the famous archaeological site. There are a lot of great artifacts to be seen there, however, much of the site has been moved around and, as Daniel explained to me, when archaeological finds are moved, they lose their context and become almost meaningless. Nonetheless, it was a lot of fun to wander around taking pictures - I'm working on improving my photography skills. It was also very cold - science lesson of the day, it's not warm outside until the sun has been up for a little while. Before heading back to the ship, our tour guide took us to a Turkish Rug store for a demonstration and opportunity to purchase. It was definitely an experience to be served apple tea and watch their sales pitch.

I had a fabulous time on this trip. We saw a lot of beautiful places and ate some amazing Greek food. I will probably go back to Crete and Santorini one day, but for now Greece is no longer sitting at the top of my "must visit" list. Check!

Here are my pictures on Facebook:

Album 1

Album 2

Enjoy!

There Are No More Jews In Gaza

Last year, after a key note presentation by Benjamin Netanyahu, one of the students participating in Do The Write Thing returned to our conference room excited about an interaction he had on the way back. Upon leaving the hotel where the speech was given to cross the street back to the Sheraton, he came across a protestor holding a sign that said "Free Gaza" - specifically Gaza. He asked the man, in a sensitive manner, "What are we freeing Gaza from?" and the man replied "The occupation of the Jews." This student asked the man if he was aware that there were no Jews in Gaza, that they had been forced to leave in 2005. The man seemed confused, and asked "Really? No Jews, at all?" to which the student responded "Well there is one, his name is Gilad Shalit and he's being held as a captive and being denied his basic human rights." This was new information for the man and he claimed that he would go home and do more research. this was all the student could hope for and therefore a successful interaction. 

Now there are no Jews in Gaza.

Gilad Shalit came home this week. After five years and 4 months, a number of days that when added up equal 18 (the Jewish number for life), he returned to Israel and his family. For the first time in 5 years, we can celebrate Simchat Torah and now pray for this particular soldier's return. Just as we will take down our Sukkahs, so to can the Shalit tent outside the Prime Minister's residence be taken down. 

This is the moment we were waiting for, a moment that was hard to believe possible up until it actually happened. As I spent the day watching the live stream from BBC World News and checking updates on JPost and Haaretz's websites, I thought about the many years of campus activism and campaigns that kept the focus on Gilad. I thought about my involvement with them. The first major event I helped coordinate as a student at Hillel was a community rally in November 2006 to kick off the Missing Soldiers campaign - rallying for the return of Ehud Goldwasser, Eldad Regev, and Gilad Shalit, who had all been captured in the summer of 2006. The last event I planned for the Jewish community before leaving for Israel involved a banner of support for the Shalit Family. Now this activism can end. 

I am ecstatic that Gilad is back with his family, that he is alive, that he has the chance to regain his life has a free man. I believe that bringing him home was essential and that his safety would only have been increasingly threatened if he remained in captivity. 

However, I am also quite saddened by this event. The deal that brought him home is a lousy deal. It is a deal that says "We value our children's lives more than we hate our enemies" but it also says "We are willing to negotiate with terrorists and hand over 1000 prisoners in exchange for one captive." I fear we have placed a huge price tag on the heads of our soldiers and made the business of kidnapping even more appealing to Hamas. 

I am also quite bothered by the return of the prisoners. I am bothered that people who have committed heinous crimes are being allowed to walk free - I am bothered by this more than I fear them repeating their crimes. I am bothered that there are people in the world who don't see the difference between Gilad Shalit, a captive who was captured in his own country, being returned to his family and prisoners - murderers - who were serving sentences for crimes, being returned home and thus let off the hook. What frightens me is that these terrorists were welcomed as heroes and that in rallies welcoming them, public statements were made calling for more kidnappings so that more of these monsters can be returned home. What frightens me is that they don't show any remorse - they don't understand what was wrong about their actions - they do not feel sorry or shameful. There is no part of the civilized world that would think this release makes sense. There is no part of the civilized world that shouldn't fear these people having freedom. 

As a Canadian citizen who expects that people who commit heinous crimes will receive just punishment, it is hard to accept these prisoners being freed - at home, I wouldn't sleep well knowing that people like this were living amongst the public. Yet, the rules seem to be different here and in this case. As bothered as I am, it would be more bothersome to have watched Noam and Aviva and the rest of the Shalit Family told repeatedly that the deal is not good enough or, worse, that we waited too long and their son had been killed. Although it seems unjust and immoral, granting freedom to 1000 terrorists seems like the lesser of two evils in this scenario. 

The joy that I witnessed on the face of Gilad's brother, and the many supporters at the tent on Tuesday night, is all the proof I need that the right thing was done. 

I pray that the security fence stands up to any attacks these terrorists may try to carry out and for the safety of the soldiers in the IDF - may we not have another kidnapped soldier in our lifetime. 

The Sound of Silence

For as long as I can remember, I have been told that there is nothing like Yom Kippur in Jerusalem. I am fairly certain this statement is true. It is hard to explain the sound of the silence that takes over the city or the site of all the traffic lights flashing yellow and next to no cars driving on the road. It is hard to explain how kids on their bikes take over the street and sidewalks become obsolete. However, this is what it is like and you'll simply have to imagine it or take my words for it. 

For services, I was expected to attend the ones held in Blaustein Hall at HUC. This hall has floor to ceiling glass windows that face the old city that serve as the background to the bimah (stage where services are lead from) - it is a spectacular site coming from traditional synagogues where you face a wall. I spent more time in synagogue this year than I recall ever doing before - Kol Nidre, Shacharit, Musaf, Mincha, and Neillah. I even attended a study session in the afternoon. I saw that sunset, rise, and set again from the same seat (approx), and when I realized I was seeing the sunset for the second time, it struck me how cool it was to be experiencing it. 

Some interesting thoughts were raised in my mind with regards to the style and effectiveness of the services, but I think I will post those in my thoughts blog when I get a chance to write. On a whole, it was a new and special experience, and I'm really happy about it. 

On Erev Yom Kippur, I took a walk to the Kotel with some friends and sat there speaking for a little while. I'll reiterate that there is definitely something magical about the Kotel at night...though I should probably try to get there during the day sometime soon. On the way home, and throughout the entire 25 hours of Yom Kippur, I made sure to take every opportunity possible to walk in the middle of the street - it was really cool. 

It is appropriate to wish each other a Gmar Chatimah Tova (may your name be sealed in the book of life) all the way through the end of Sukkot. Therefore, that is what I will leave you and this blog post with. 

I'm So Liminal, I Don't Know Where I Am!

Definition of LIMINAL

1

: of or relating to a sensory threshold

2

: barely perceptible

3

: of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition : in-between, transitional <in the liminal state between life and death — Deborah Jowitt>

In this blog, I am mostly referring to definition #3. Liminal is a bit of a key word at HUC - it keeps coming up, it's used to refer to every stage of the program. From day one, we have been told that we are in a liminal state. After a bit of a break, the word resurfaced at Erev Rosh HaShana services - where we were informed that being in the time between Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur was being in a liminal state. This is when it clicked that I am SO liminal! I was in the time period described, I am in the liminal state between Jewish Community Member and Jewish Educator, AND I am in a liminal state between Torontonian and who-knows-what-ian. Building on my previous note about the realization that I don't live in Toronto....now I've realized that I'm liminal in regards to it too. 

I can't decide if I love this word or hate this word. Yes, it is completely legitimate to have feelings about/towards words. All I know for sure is that it describes me really well right now. 

For Rosh HaShana I had 6 meals with friends over 4 days, went to the shuk on Wednesday before chag - not as exciting as I thought, made a salt and pepper kugel and an apple cake, attended more service than I have in the past 10 years or so, participated in a Rosh HaShana seder (minus the ram's head), and had a really lovely time.

I hope your chag (holiday), if you has one, was enjoyable too! Shana Tova!